Depression
by shimmerangelfire
Summary: Suicide was the only option. Death was a reprieve from not feeling anything. It rids us of reality.
1. Chapter 1, Atempted Suicide

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I do own the depressing plot line.**

Nobody cares. Nobody cares what happens to me. I'm just a burden to my team. I too weak. I don't do anything of use. If I died, who would care? They all think they know me, but they don't. Every morning, I would get up, and put on my mask. I would smile, and pretend to be happy. I would pretend to notice things that I didn't care about. Every body assumed that this was genuine, only because it was all they had ever seen. My father … had always hated me. My mother … pretended to like me, but she did horrible things to me when we were alone. I was only a burden. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I wanted to feel things like I pretended to, but I couldn't. I would pretend to wince in pain when I was hit, but that was all fake. People assumed I was weak because I never let them assume anything else. No body cares. Nobody cares. I've had enough. Enough of life. I can't feel pain or sorrow. Nor happiness, or any other emotion. I have always been dead to the world. I can't remember a time when I truly felt things. Maybe when I was a baby, but I doubt it. My tears mean nothing. I, unlike most others, have never felt life. I have no friends. No one truly close to me. No one who knows the real me. Nobody would care if I died. If I killed myself. I took out a kunai. I raised it … and brought it crashing down. I was soaked in my own blood.


	2. Chapter 2, caught

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or anything for that matter.**

I looked at the bloody kunai in my hand, then at the huge cut in my thigh. I felt no pain. I had never felt pain when I was injured. I continued to cut my self, until blood stained my carpet. It looked like I was sitting in a pool of my own blood. They were calling me for dinner, but I paid no attention. I had never enjoyed the taste of food, I had never enjoyed anything. Neither had I hated it, for hate was a feeling. No one had any idea what it was like to not feel a single thing your entire life. It was a fate worse than death. Death, to me, was a reprieve from disappointing my family and team. Life had no meaning for me. I had cuts everywhere now, and I didn't care. I would slowly bleed my self to death. Neji knocked on my door and called to me. I didn't respond. I was too busy. He opened the door, and froze.

"Hinata… what are you doing?" He tried to remain calm, but he couldn't. I slowly looked up at him. At the sight of my eyes, he froze. I knew why. In all the time he had known me, I had always had some fake emotion. Now, my eyes were blank, just staring at him. They had no hope, no feeling, nothing. They revealed for the first time the way I always felt. I returned to cutting my self, waiting for him to leave. He stood there for 15 minutes, and then my father joined him.

"Hinata! What…Why…How…?" I didn't even look at him. He stared at me, not saying a word. They were both frozen, and could not move. Hanabi joined us, but she didn't freeze.

"Hinata…what are you doing? Father, why are you letting her do that? Should I call the hospital? Did you tell her to do that? I'm calling the hospital!" She went and did just that. I got up, soaked in blood. I started to leave, but some one knocked me out from behind. It didn't matter. I didn't care. They couldn't do anything worse to me.

I woke up in a hospital room. My cuts had been bandaged. I looked around. It was 2:03 in the morning, and nobody was watching me. I took off the bandages. The cuts now had healed. I reached for a kunai, but they had taken them away. So, I opened the locket I always wore. I took out a tiny scroll, and summoned a knife. I reopened the cuts, and escaped into the night.


	3. Chapter 3, The chase

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, because if I did, things would be different and Sakura would be tortured in every episode.**

A/N: Hinata's mom is dead, but she used to do horrible things to Hinata that are described in later chapters.

It was a windy night, but I didn't care. To others, the wind would have stung, but I can feel nothing. I had no plan to escape the village, just hide out for a day, until I died. They wanted to keep me alive, thinking that that would be the kind and right thing to do. Thinking they were helping me, when they were only prolonging my torture. Maybe things would be going smoother if I had chosen a different means, but this was the quickest, quietest means. Starving yourself is slow, and takes at least 3 days. Hanging yourself is noticeable. This was the easiest way. I wondered when they would send out tracking Nin… or if they would send them at all. I didn't care anymore. I never cared. Neji might have thought I cared about him. Naruto might have thought I cared about him. Ino…Tenten…Temari…they might have thought that I was their friend, but none of them understood me. My mother…everyone thought I loved her, but I had no feeling for her. My mother hated me…she stole chakra from me so she could be stronger. She convinced my father that I was weak so that she would be higher in his eyes. She beat me, but I could never feel it. Maybe something went wrong when she stole chakra from me the first time. Maybe she took my emotions too. Maybe I was just born this way. Whatever the reason, the torture was just the same. I got my chakra back the day she died, but I've never used it. I kept up the pretence of being weak, so I could go unnoticed. I could have incredible power, but that would ensure me a long life. Life is overrated. I wish I could hate it, but I can't hate anything. Nor can I love anything. I can't feel anything, and I had to go through watching others get hurt. I don't know if it's worse to feel pain or not to. But it is pure Hell to not feel happiness, not once. To not be able to genuinely smile. To have to see others happy, when you are denied any feeling. If I could feel hate, I would be closer to being human than I am now. I feel so inhuman. I'm not sure if I am. I sat in that tree for sometime before someone landed next to me. They had obviously been sent to capture me, but not been told who I was. Kiba looked shocked to find out that the suicidal maniac he had to capture was me. Akamaru whined, looking confused.

"Hinata?! You should get to the hospital, your cuts are really bad. What are you doing out here in the middle of the night? Oh, and have you seen a person running away from the hospital. Someone in a really serious condition escaped and… what's that Akamaru? You say Hinata is the escaped person? That's impossible! Right Hinata?" I nearly fell out of the tree. He was so stupid. I got up, and jumped away. A minute passed, and then he started following me. I really didn't care if I was caught. I just wanted to die. Maybe I had lost so much blood already, that I'd die anyway. If I had feelings, that thought might have comforted me. But, then again, if I had feelings, I wouldn't be trying to kill myself. I felt something stick in my back, but no distracting wave of pain cam over me. Kiba was probably amazed that I hadn't even winced. All he was doing was helping me. I couldn't reach my back, so I hadn't been able to cut it.

"Hinata! What's up with you?" Kiba yelled to me. He then sped up, and caught up with me. He hit me on the head, and I blacked out, again.


	4. Chapter 4, the choice

**Disclaimer: Fanfiction! What do people not get about this? If I am writing a fanfiction, then I am only a fan, not the owner.**

I woke up still feeling nothing. But, all this hitting over the head made me remember something. A feeling I had had when I was younger. Before Mother betrayed me. Before she stole my chakra to be stronger in Father's eyes. I remember pain, remember sadness. I can remember the moment I was born. But never happiness. Not since I was born have I felt happiness. And then, it all went wrong.

_Flashback_

_I opened my eyes to a room full of people. One was looking over me, frowning, looking as though she wanted to break my neck. She had long black hair, and white eyes. The rest of the people frowned at me as well. I didn't like it, so I started to cry. _

_Skip to when Hinata is 4._

_I looked up at my mother, waiting for her to say something to me. We were alone, and I was scared of the way she looked at me. Normally, she pretended to like me, even though really she didn't. But now, there was a look of pure hatred in her eyes. I had just surprised my father by wounding him, and he was very proud of me. Even my older cousin couldn't do that yet. But I was ashamed of it, because Neji looked at me, scared that I would replace him as the genius. And now, I was sure that Mother was going to hurt me because of that. _

_"Well, Hinata, it looks like you are ready for the jutsu."_

_"What jutsu, mother?"_

_"The one that makes a connection between us. An unbreakable connection. One that will keep a steady supply of chakra from you flowing into me!" Then she started making complicated hand signs. I couldn't move. Then, a wave of fatigue hit me, and I blacked out. When I woke up, I couldn't feel a thing. Not pain, not sadness. I never experienced happiness._

_End flashback_

I had been 4 when my mother turned on me. I want to hate her, but no feeling would come to me. I was a disgrace to the family from the minute I was born. That connection between me and my mother lasted until she died. Every moment she was stealing chakra from me. But some thing had gone wrong with the jutsu, so I was damaged.

"Hinata-sama, I know you are awake. Open your eyes. Let me see that you are better." Neji was not requesting this, he was demanding it. I didn't care. I opened my eyes, just so he would know that nothing had changed. He was once again shocked by the look in my eyes, but hid it because the Rookie Nine and the rest of his team were there. They all looked shocked by the look in my eyes.

"Hinata, what happened? Why do you look like this? Did someone hurt you?" A wave of questions overtook me. I thought about what I should be feeling right now. I always do that. It is just a reflex. I should be feeling overwhelmed.

"Hinata-sama has not spoken since 2:00 on the day of her suicide attempt." Neji stated calmly, but he was freaking out inside. I knew this because I had studied the thing I could not have for so long. If someone gave even the slightest clue, then I would know what they were feeling.

"Hinata-chan, please talk. We need to know what happened." That was Tenten, who had believed she was my friend, and believed that she knew everything about me.

I couldn't decide. Speak, and freak them out with my emotionless voice, or stay silent and worry them to death?

A/N: Well, which should she do?


	5. Chapter 5, the speech

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, I'm over it.**

"There is nothing you need to know or would have the capacity to understand." My voice was emotionless, and scared everyone even more. They looked shocked that the seemingly most emotional one among them could be so strange.

"Hinata, what happened? We can understand. This is probably just a stage, but you won't know how to get out of it if you don't tell us what's wrong. We'll understand." Ino's voice was tinted with concern and worry.

"Save your worry, concern, and pity. This is not a stage, it has always been there. You can never understand, and you can't help me. Medically, I am fine, except for my loss of blood. So you can save your emotions. I don't feel a thing for any of you, and wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone of you. All you are doing by keeping me alive is lengthening my torture." If I could have spat venom, I would have. As it was, I did the best thing to scare them. I kept my stared at them, one by one, and tortured them with my blank eyes. "I have no regrets about what I have done." Neji was almost crying. Ino, Sakura, Naruto, and Kiba were crying. Tenten had gone into a corner and was emitting a dark aura. Shino, Sasuke, and Gaara were each showing small signs of extreme sadness. The rest were in varying states of internal struggling and shock

"You can take your turns trying to save me from myself, but nothing will stop me from dying of my own accord. I have poison, weapons, scrolls, deadly jutsus, you name it, all hidden, and you won't find them. I will find a way."

"Hinata … why? You…y-you were always … always so cheerful." Naruto was sobbing, crying so much. I didn't care, but everyone else felt sorry for him.

"I pretended to be cheerful. Every emotion I've ever had since I was 4 was fake. I never cared for you, my family, for anybody. I would smile a fake secret smile to myself after I fought and lost, because I didn't feel a single bit of pain that was inflicted on me. I can only tell when my body is getting weak when it doesn't move as well, or when I bleed. You could stab a kunai straight through my heart, and I wouldn't feel a single bit of pain." He was staring at me, as well as everyone else. "Those of you who thought of me as a friend, or thought you were my friend, never even knew who I was. I could kill you all and never hate myself, or even regret it."

**A/N: I won't write again until 10 people review. REVIEW!**

**P.S. There's this really interesting button in the left corner. I don't know what it does, but I'd really like you to push it, and tell me what it does.**


	6. Chapter 6, Naruto and Gaara

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If you can't remember that from the last chapter…**

((((0))))

As I awoke, I heard sobbing from a corner. It was Naruto's turn to watch me, so it could only be him crying. I opened my eyes and sat up. He was a pitiful sight to see, tears streaming down his face. Well, he would have been if I could fee pity. I wished that my heart would soften at the sight, but it remained as firm as ever. He saw me staring and started to talk.

"How long?" His eyes were pleading me to tell him.

"What do you mean how long?" My own voice was hoarse. I knew that I had a sore throat, but I couldn't feel the pain. The pain that I desperately wanted to feel.

"How long have you been like this? How long have you thought of suicide? How long!" He was shouting now.

"For as long as you have known me. For even longer than you have known me. I have never felt happiness in my life. Suicide, for me, is the only option." Naruto refused to listen to me. He put his hands over his ears and ran out. Unfortunately, someone else entered the room as soon as he left.

"So, you've been trying to kill yourself." The voice was deep, and I had heard it somewhere before. I racked my brain looking for the owner's name. At last, it hit me. The only person I'd ever known that had red hair.

"Well, Gaara, how are you? Will you do me a favor and let me escape and kill my self? You, of all people should understand how awful it is to have no feelings. You solved your problem by killing other people. I want to solve mine." I would have been hopeful, but … well, you know why not.

((((0))))

Help me! I'm out of ideas! If you review, please try to answer these questions. What parings do you want? Should Gaara let Hinata kill herself? Should Hiashi care and come to visit Hinata? Should Hanabi? How should Hinata attempt to kill herself? Should this have a happy ending or a sad one? Should Hinata be cured? Please Help Me!


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